can there be ani more tears?

2006-05-04T01:25:00.000-07:00

you're too hot , bitch .

2006-05-03T01:16:00.000-07:00

oh well . mye is here . and i am neutral in the 3/8 fight .

2006-04-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

been busy , grounded . and bee n thinking .
if really , what am i now . an identity where . is not accepted by family , community .
been years and its still going on strong .
but i have let go off all relationships . need some time alone . its best for me .

i cried lauged with my lil soul mates . amanda . diyana . (:
they may never accept my ways of lesbianism . but they never abandon me .
thats whats best about them (:

to bros , sorry for not spending time with you guys .
i miss you all much , but circumstances arrive and i can't break them .
will remember that outing we had (: where i am the only girl ):
but i had fun .

and also , mom .
i am avoiding every conversation as possible .
i dont know why . but thats the wa y i feel , i will try my bes t talk t you .
cause i love you mummy ,
no one swears better than my mom .

daddy , thanks for the moneyy . ! =D
thanks for the new skates ! i need to season it now . we shall do it togather.
cause i miss you and mommy . your horny talk during dinner .
thanks for the nike shirtt . and the expensive adidas shirt .
i know i will get it somehow/ AHH ! and now , i want that guess skirtt and dress .
puff , forget it .

2006-03-09T22:44:00.000-08:00

she was a friend i thought would be there . for everything .
my cries , my pain , my sorrow . everything .

i cried , slowly , when i read your blog . whats up girl ?
you didnt even bother t know why i did it .
you jumped into conclusion . baby , you were the friend i thought would never leave my side.

why ? have you ever think back on what we went through ,
you are more important, than any other girlfriends i have ever had .

you know how hard it is for me t cry for a girl .
and you are the first amanda ,

i love you like a sister , of my own blood and flesh .

but sad t say , you're gone ,
for your own good , my tears slwoly filling the space .

2006-03-05T07:42:00.000-08:00

so what if life suck ? and what if everyone thinks its my fault if friday was fucked because of me ? har , as long there's three souls beside me , nicole , amanda and b. ((:

harr.
if you think a lie is the truth then let it be LARH .

((:

tml i have t go down for skirts okkay
? sorry i cant learn the dance steps please . skirts if not settled who going t do for meee ?
later you all dance with what ? pantiess ?
not avoidingg , i am taking everything again .
joy huimin , not happy dont need t roll eyes.
jane , stop two facing .
selina , don't be extra .
iry , not showing attitude at alll . it's just me . the other side of it that's it .
atiqah , stoop bitchingg . they are not worth itt .

onto good stuff.
amanda and i decided t keep no secrets away from one another .
i promise nicole i will stop taking _____ ever again ,
i will stop ok ? (: i promisee .
b is keeping me off it too :/ YOU ALSO DO WHATT
stupid baby of minee ((: i miss you .

she decided t company me off t town , and if you guys see me there,
prolly think i PON CHEERLEADING T GO OUTT.
sorry , just accompny . puffff . settle skirts then go homee.
tuesday sttress for skirts and also your dance steps ,atiqah
then wednesday she fetch me from school ((:

think of good times lovee (:

2006-03-04T05:06:00.000-08:00

i spent days outt with you .
memories , harhar . they linger slowly .
for example ;
i was outside school gate , sitting on the floor talking t b.
CROSS-LEGGED , with fbts and tshirt , like one idiott . ((:

am so happpyy (: i manage t pass all my test paperss (:
except for social studies :/ puff.

went out todayy , with b . har , from jurong t tampiness ,
t payar lebar , then down t toa payoh ,
did you knoww , that people will just stare at you , if
you're wearing too short shortts :/
that's what i gott .

andd watched some scary show down at wati's place .
damn fuck , i scared then that person angry already )):

2006-02-15T01:13:00.000-08:00

HEYYS ((: crazyy pictures i knoow .

2006-02-08T07:26:00.000-08:00

YOU FUCKINGLY KEEP ME SANE (:
ah , thank god for YOU .
my precious gem .

dont flirt , I SHY ((:

2006-02-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

i want t grab every moment i had ;;
and never let them go .

how much life changed , within a blink of an eye ,
i still misses you mom .
i want t talk to you . have our normal horny talk
eat dinner and make fun of the food .
bully dad when he goes mental .
and just have our normal walk , only me and you .

i know somehow , it will change .

it will not be the same ,

you , thanks for those lil cheering ups (: thanks for the late night talk .
till three in the morning (: you've done so much , that now .
i just wantt t sit infront of you , and say ' i love you '
for every single time you make me feel alright all over again .
(:

2006-01-30T05:30:00.000-08:00

NOW I FUCKINGLY KNOW THE WHOLE FUCKING TRUTH ,
YOU TWO , YOU SICK BITCHES ! WHAT YOU WANT , I TREATED
YOU LIKE TWO FRIENDS , BUT WHAT SHIT HAVE I GOTTEN FROM YOU ?
SICK BITCHED ,

BOB .
DIE MAN DIE , DIE IN MY ARMS ,
I WANT T SEEE YOU MISERABLE ,
HAR , RAINFOREST .

KHUZAIMAH ,
SORRY EH POMPAN , MALAS NAK LAYAN BILANG ARH ,
AKU TAK PASSAL PON , TAK MATI PON . GI MAMAPOS ARH
EHEH , AKU TAU KAU MALAS NAK LAYAN , TAPI POMPAN
JANGAN JADI PENGECUT AND JUST TELL MEE

FAHRIYAAZH IRA , DIYANAH , SITI
YOU CALL YOURSELF MY BLOOD ?! PLEASE BELIEVE OUTSIDERS
THEN BELIEVE ME LARH ,
ANOTHER BUNCH of irritating souls ASSSHOLES

DIE DIE DIE .
(: HAVE GOOD LIFE LIVING IN THE RAINFOREST

2006-01-29T03:08:00.000-08:00

HELLO (((: here i am bogging , THANKS TO faizNUR larh !

HARHAR(:
atleast i wrote something rightt ?

2006-01-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

HIATUS -

2006-01-13T17:44:00.000-08:00

you know those time when you try to actually do good for someone ,
but its been pushed away ?

let me tell you , i tried doing good for someone . i have been rejected soo many times .
i , fuck . i dont know what t do seriously .

i tried writing down in words , it seem so weird . i tried crying out , all i had was oen tear

2006-01-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

school's been ok larh , class ir rather .. dead ?
HARHAR . cheryl phua me grace tan jesmin arti adn PEI ZHEN !
(: you know this bunch , verything can go wrongg . serious , harhar , i love you guys though .

i met her yesterday , i swear i was maluated ok ?! malu till my shit .
i sat down and she came so i was like ok , shes going t sit beside me on the same chair
BUT NO ! she told me t stand up and i did larh ,
(shes tired after np ) and she pulled me down t sit on her lap .
i was fucked up shock can , everyone turned .
to make it worse , i am like 5 kg heavier ,
and she had her arms around me ?! WTFH ! i know .
and mcd was full of her school mates after cca fair . fuckfuckfuck .
then i gave up and i stood up , face beat red .
har , then at the bus stop , she laid down on my lap , her school mater were like normal .
friend told me ' until she finger you infront of them then thats NOT NORMAL '
funny .
(:

2006-01-01T23:44:00.000-08:00

i don't believe in making resolutions ,seriously .
whoever follows them . my god .
(: so i wont be making any this year ,
just one thing ' i will HAVE to change my fucking attitude '

my parents ,
mom and dad . it seems
i made too many things to make you cry .
i did too little things to make you proud .
i just want t thank you about how you react when you know me .
it's sad , but i want t thank you guys alot .

fahriyah ,
girl you're my one true blood . serious .
who have seen me , the real me .
i slapped you uncountable times , and still you stickwitme .
you , man . take care of him ok . (: i love you both .

nicole ,
MY TWIN (: bobo lup bibi XD
oh my oh my , you true ass kicking girl .
you know me , the usual stress shit . and GUESS WHAT
you big gigantic dinosaur .
thanks for all the craping i make t make me lose everything .
every single tear , every single angst

you.
oh man . you thought me
the meaning of being love
the meaning of being hurt .
thanks for all the good times , the bad times .
the warmly and fuzzy kisses and hugs .
i appreciate , we will try t meet up
as often as possible ok ? (: i love you .

2005-12-31T09:50:00.001-08:00

hoho , 2006 is here larh .
you know how bloody fast is it ?
it was like as if yesterday was just another day of 2005 please .
(:

this year , is another year where too many sins are made ,
while countable deeds are done .
you know , being crooked and stuff . HARHAR(:
i met friends who pretend t be my actual friends while
i met my true other friends . nicole and amanda . salmah .
you guys came into my life ,
and it seems like yesterday only . i cried . you guys wipe it away .

nicole .twinie .
you represent me so much , i thought i foudn my twin .
it seems we both have our own sickening life =(
missyou , aku sayang kamu .

amanda . baby .
you keep me totally snae , i swear .

salmah .
WHO DO MORE SICKENING STUFF THAN ME =)

and there's hann .
you brought pain , you brought joy .
there's always hurt and neglections in a relationship .
' a sucessful relationship comes nothing without a rocky road . '
i love sayang .
let's live our dreams . with the two kids (=
jacquelina natasha , and mohd daniel martin.

2005-12-31T09:50:00.000-08:00

2005-12-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

i spend yesterday with hon , bob and hann =)
pumpkin was the sweestest thing
hoho . towned , lepak at esplanade .
played in the rain , effing cold . am having fever .

for the mega record(: i slapped bob TWICE
and shouted at pumpkin , was effingt pissed of .

i was being emo , super emo .i sat listened t stupid jiwang song .
and then just STONED ,

next year , have t join cheerleading . ohoh , with iry , and what's her name .
cas , weifen , and jane . erms(:

i missyou .

2005-12-28T00:36:00.000-08:00

went school with mom and dad (: granny decided to tag along .
(: hah. went t school get uniform , and guees who i saw ?!
MAN ! the whole teaching staff , and i think non teaching staff .

it's fucking suprising , cause we were going t town after that .
so i wore my super cca skirt and also , the p.e shirt.
and chucks , and NO ! socks .
you margaretians bloody well know that school is particular about socks .

then i saw LIM HAHA . he was staring at me and said 'ATIQAH !'
and said hi(: oh my fucking god . he's the teacher that i usually bully ,
have he forgotten how i rebel against him .
t shirt tuck in ! socks PULL UP ! RUN ALONG THE LINE !
hah , i am going miss those days if i dont have him for p.e teacher .

then head t town , bought roxy pencil box , and wallet .
SORRY AH . not like those minahs , got standard HORH(:
bitching again , here i am .

bloopies(: and also , converse school shoe , dad picked a few nike ones
but all like father's golf shoes , supper uglyy . (:
and there's this nice one , 93 bucks . HAH(: but mom gave a red light

overall . i got everything i want . even you .

hah i miss you alot

2005-12-27T09:54:00.000-08:00

its super effing irritating larh):
hmm , this is one thing about timers .
one of the girls will be left outt. fuck larh

let's sing and cry for the love of our life

2005-12-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

BLOODILY NICE LAH . SSINGSING(:
song not for anyone(:
it's A EFFING NICE LARH(:

sebelum ku kenalimu
hidupku cukup ngan suka duka
tak pernahku sangka semuanya akan berubah
dikau bagaikan cahaya, bagi jiwa ku ini
tak mungkinku lupa katamu kan sentiasa di sisi
bagaikan satu kisah cinta kita berdua ke mana
asyik berpegangan tangan orang lain dilupakan
apa terjadi, diriku ni masih tertekan
hati dilukai setelah janji ditunaikan
tiap kali ku fikir, tiada guna bersedih
rakan-rakan katakan buang masa ku cintai
dikau punca pedihku, tiada baik darimu
tiada langsung yang benar dalam ungkapan bibirmu

kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku begini
kenapa harus ku tanggung semua
kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa aku diperbodoh kasih

tak mungkin ku lupa kali pertama bersua
tak sangka, dikau kan menjadi pedih yang kan dalami jiwa
siang malam termenung, sedih memakan hati
tak pernah ku ingat ku boleh diluka begini
namun ku cekal hatiku, tuk melupakanmu
ku tahu kau begitu
malas ku nak rayu, buang tenagaku
kau takkan mendengarku
selamat tinggal oh kasih
janganlah iri hati
hidup baru kan mula bila terbitnya mentari

kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan
kenapa harus ku merayu
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa harus ku dikecewakan kasih

kenapa harus ku bercinta
kenapa ku percaya
kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan
kenapa harus ku merayu
kenapa ku bercinta
kenapa harus ku pegang janjimu

kenapa harus ku merayu
kenapa ku bercinta
kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan
kenapa harus ku percaya
kenapa ku bercinta
kenapa harus ku pegang janjimu

sekian lama telah ku simpan rasa ini di hati
baru kini ku berani tuk mengatakan oh gadis
dikau punca segala, kepedihan di hatiku
tak ingin lagi ku lihat wajahmu di hadapanku.

2005-12-26T17:14:00.000-08:00

you know the time when you take the chance to love someone ?
and it breaks yoour heart so badly

i pretend all the promises i made , were never dare .
the promise of what seem to be love .

my legs turn numb , and my body shivers .
as soon as you left me alone in cold windy rain .

what seem to be a burning flame ,
has turned icy cold and shivers .

my tears , made from the dieing flame .
i hate you , i hate the love you gave me .

let me be alone , let me be .
i need to go on with my life .

I sit there now not able to sleep,
My hands are shaking and I start to weep,
I can still see you there, snow falling in your face,
Watching the sky turn from blue to grey,

you're the lie i choose to believe .

I think about it for awhile longer,
Wishing I could be much stronger,
That beautiful dream turned into a nightmare,
Most of it was fuzzy but you face was so clear,

you're the one that keeps me sane .

And everytime I think of it there is nothing I can do
I thought that I could make it right but nothing seem to fit
I think I kind of miss you maybe just a bit
All this time I loved you so

a love that grows , even if you're not there .

i've proved it's not a joke to me
my future with you in it,is real
why is it i can't make you see?
or get a strait answer on how you truly feel

i love you ? is it true ?

why do i always think of you?
night or day,you're never off my mind
do you feel the same way too?
or is there nothing there for you to find

i am like a wind , invisible and insignificant.

so i hope you soon come to see
my heart will forever be aching
my tears will forever drip .
my pain will never stop .

you see ? what you did .

to you . i love you and you know it is ,
but what we both are going through .
it's difficult . it's painful .
but we both should keep our chin up high ,
and be strong . it's what you are good at .
being strong(:
thanks for giving me your love .
i appreciate it(:

2005-12-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

hah(: i want a tatto . THREE actually

kelly osbourne 's two wings at the back .
angelina jolie's barcode at the neck .
a name down my spine . (:

HOW ABOUT THAT ?!

2005-12-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

i shall and will declare my thoughts and feelings(:

make me cry , my love one .
see the tears in my eyes again .
walking away from the lie that i have been living .
i just wish i am whole again .

see what love made me into ?
i forgot to love myself ,
i forgot to love my love ones .

you seem not to notice , many times
i cry silently , reaching for your hand .
what use does it bring to us .

i wish i could say ,
it's over and done .
but reality knows that
the heartace still lives on .

fuck all the shit): i won't .
i will . i can. i can't .

confrontation

2005-12-24T21:04:00.000-08:00

HAH(: FUCK YOU(:

I FEEL SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT):

I miss somebody right now. Of all things..

2005-12-24T16:10:00.000-08:00

SCREAMS(: SCREAMS .
CHRISTMAS IS HERE . santa granted my wish this yearr .

been tagged , bold means it's true , italic i wish it was

I miss somebody right now. you know that's an always
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olives.
I own lots of (Enid Blyton) books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty usually is the best policy.
I curse ~~sometimes.~~ most around friends(:
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. everyone has their own deepest darkest secret(:
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now. BROKE):
I love sushi. God bless Japan.
I talk really, really fast. when i feel like it.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair. it's been hell three years since i cutt it
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S
I have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look. God given originality
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow.
I am usually pessimistic
I have a lot of mood swings
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty. hah , kill the fed guy.
Slept with a suitemate.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends. not alot , but i thankful for them
I am currently single.HELL NO(:
I have pecked someone of the same sex
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. BOOO . WHAT ?!
I LOVE TO SHOP ! FUCK HELL YES !
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto. NO?!
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. (Haha, preppy girl much)
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
I don't hate anyone.
I dislike them.
I'M A PRETTY GOOD DANCER!
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (not when she calls me by my childhood name ):.)
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I like someone. BOY YES(:
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.ADOPTION HERE I COME(:
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have at least 5 away messages saved.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends. They're worth it.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. I'm narrow minded tt way.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants (just for the fuck of it) and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys.
I am happy at this moment.HAH(:
I'm obsessed with guys.if you only know .
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup
I believe in prophetic dreams. (Cmon lah I dreamt hippies were out to kill me, prophetic!?!)
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.(Not necessarily..)
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.(Pls nvr name your child tt)
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet. hah , DONT EVER GO ON A DIET
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood. (I know one person tt does.)
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I love vaginas.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is. (Bapak aku.)
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling. (Eddie Guerrero! :[ God bless him.)
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products. (I can think of one person tt does.)
I only clean my room when neccesary.
I have pointy-ended ears.
I LOVE korean dramas.

2005-12-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

*SCREAMS .
I WOKE UP FUCKING EARLYY !! ):
i woke up at ten FOR NOTHINGG !! hah usually woke up to talk to you
but nooooo she's effing in school ! SO I DECIDED to be earlyy chirpyy
and do homework , BUT ENDED UP IN COMPP :/

i thought about it last night , i am sorry to have palyed your feelings ,
tyo have toyed with your heart , BUT REMEMBER .
you'll remain my friend(:

HAHAH(: i need to cheer my ass UP . i am too SAD):
i need a cheering UP . WHO WWANTS TO CHEER ME UP ?!

poot told me to make a story (: future husband and kids
i want two , a girl and a boy . me and him gave them names already .
jacqueline natasha and daniel martin

he'll be wearing that long sleeve he wore once , with him brown nike air force and jeans .
i will be wearing that mango green dress with pumps (: [bad dressing i know ]
daniel will be wearing that guess overalls with a brown shirt inside .
jacqueline will wear that checkered tshirt i used to wear toagther with a matching coat .

so much of fantasy /

2005-12-22T04:23:00.000-08:00

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU(:
sorry for temporaily insanityy . XD

hah know how long i wait to feel this wayy ?
HAH XD .

it's alright if you feel angry .
but it's for your own good , for you , and me .
(:

hah , well for the other you , (:
i miss you already . hah ,

2005-12-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

we straighten things out yesterday ,
between me and orange . it's weird all this while
i thought you hated me so much ,
but now , i know you are hurting the same way as i did
sigh , i'm sorry for all this crap
(:

it's weird that i am in the arms of someone i dont wish to love
when my heart is somewhere else .
:/

i miss you though

EDIT /

i learn from someone VERY THOUGTFUL
make some one angryy , and look in their eyes

deep inside they are soft like cotton candy (:

HAHA(: hann i love you already .

2005-12-20T04:50:00.000-08:00

if words could describe how i feel towards you ,
it would never be enough too

i watch you from afar .
i was there for all the laughter
the cries
the falls you amde ,
but you never seem to notice me.

it seems that love was never meant to be ,
i tried loving others before me .

it never seem to work ,
cause i had the image of you in them .

now i am pouring out my love ,
i am pouring out my words ,

to say this three words too you ,
i love you

2005-12-18T04:11:00.000-08:00

Friday , December 16

was super fun . HAH . i cut bob's hair(:
and from past GOOD EXPERIENCE(:
it didn't prepare me FROM THIS .
omg , i totally cut one patch BOTAK.
i was sitting on the table and he was on the chair .
and i started to like cut his hair .
and so . there goes one patch of his hair(:
man , love i am sorry .
suppose to go like make cousin ic .
and then last minute cancelation
when me and younger cousin are actually all prepared .
boy , so we called bob . and khuzaimah(:
khu, khu. hah the kuncu LOOK ALIKE (:
wont say much , later unwanted information leaked out .
HAH . met them in the library . then went off to like
jurong for the cd . kinda got hitch and briget jones
then went macd and eat .a and played the playground .
hah . was like a young kida again
then went to lepak bawah blok with them
imagine burping gas infront of him .
maluatingg(: but adorable .

Saturaday 17 December .
overnite . i tell you , i never played that much fire in ym entire LIFE
HAH , food was great , then .
hah i saw john and fy , and this SO FAMILIAR LOOKING GUY
(a girl way of sayingg "i want to get to know you")
(: skimming . HAH .

i am CURRENTLY ;
depressed .
tired .
IN NEED OF BEAUTY SLEEP (:

2005-12-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

it's the worst when you give up your love for someone else .
it's like me and him . HAHA

can't you ever see . it'slike this ever since you left . empty and hollow .

FUCK I STILL LOVE YOU

2005-12-15T05:02:00.000-08:00

BOOOO ! i am so fucking dissapointed with MYSELF):
crying . HAH . a fourteen year old BITCH , CRYING .
all alone , all empty .

i was hoping to get into the relationship . hoping to fall for you .
the love , wasnt ALWAYS there . but you know i am here for you .

i dont understand whyy .

BBB ; i know i can always run up to your arms , whenever i like(:

baby , i am sorry

2005-12-13T03:16:00.000-08:00

HAH(: just came back from town.
WE TOOK THE SUPER LONGGGG TRAIN .
full of suprises . ahah , katak's girl . never mind .
then , i bought this super cute thong.
MOTEL . 24 HOURS OPEN(: how adorable can that be .
and then , we sat at macd . hah , mei-yi(is that how you spell the name)
this super cute bung , that just have t bind . and then , met hann(:
came back from kk , and go skate. WALAUS . then cute sia .
BUT NICOLE. YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND MY POSITION RIGHTT .
so saddening:( :(

isn't she lovely mad from love .

2005-12-11T22:48:00.000-08:00

HAHA(:i dont wish to love you no more

abg , you piece of shit .SO WHAT IF I WEAR SPORTS BRA (:
no harm what . i hate you . HAH . no lurh , i still love him .

kater BROTHER SISTER LUPP (:

2005-12-10T06:07:00.000-08:00

I AM UPDATINGG (:

life is good . you suck . you should die(:
I KNOW I AM ~~MEAN~~
sometime it's better like that

hah. went lot1 . boring lurh , bought illegal stuff (:
and more of boring shits . no hunks , no bungs .
THAT PLACE SHALL DIE TOO(:
the only people who shall live is .
BIG BEAR XD AND ABANG .
brother sister lup KONON .

i can't put pictures at the moment . comp is screwed .
SALMAH ,ESTHER my love .
IT"S SO IRRITATING . that i cna't put your pictures
WE NEED WEED

i just need one more puff , one more cigars ,
that will be the end of me

2005-12-07T06:19:00.000-08:00

HAHA XD . i am proud to say , I WATCHED THE HARRY POTTER MOVIE AT THE ~~stupid name~~
hehe . it's efffing nice ! like fucking three di , and all .
but stupid and not to mention ~~cute~~ bt.panjang govt, high guy was kicking my chairr .
asshole i must say . but overall the movie is damn nicee .
cedric is HOTHOTHOT , he's the shitest person that should die , seriously .
that victor krum should have ended his life . died in the dark lord's hand (i prefer dark lord to voldermort) and draco looks to man . ron , oh man , HE"S HOTHOT . i cant decide who looks better , rom or cedric ? oh wells , and harry looks handome lurh .

ok anyhos

SCHOOL IS STARTING . I THINK xP
so long

2005-12-03T02:57:00.000-08:00

i love the sugars xP
THAT'S FOR SURE !

2005-11-30T01:43:00.000-08:00

[EDIT]
this is so stupid . man . STUPID STUPID STUPID .
well maybe i am the ONE who is just stupidd .
yeah what , everything that i did wrong , proves to link
about me DROPPING DOWN TO THE FUCKING STREAM .
fuck cans , now i lose all my slef confidence right .

but no , can i just take down the stupid mask ,
and just cry FOR CRYING OUT LOUD .
i hate you . this is on my last nerve .

it's coming true aint itt . dont deserve anything ,
not things not the familyy , not even love .
stupidityy ,

ONE CAN'T TAKE TOO MUCH VENOM .

I AM GOING TO SLITTT

dedication to the people i love alott <33>

ALRIGHTS . introduing THE SUGARS
; AMANDA , BABYCAKE , SUGAR BABY ,
; ATIQAH , CUPCAKE , SUGAR MOMMY
; NICOLE , TUBCAKE , SUGAR DADDY

we form the ultra ego gang , the one and only irritaing THE SUGARS

baby loves to LOOK IN THE MIRROR xD . AND IN LIT , SHE GOT CAUGHT , and never will learn her lesson what ? she is super mean cans ! will talk about anyone and everyone . she nevr cries , except for that one time when ___________ . SUPER STRONG , she is the happiness in the SUGARLIFE dad is a super fun to be with . she's the only one with KNOWLEDGE . seriously , she will always need to find a reason for every thing she does , ( we just FOLLOW OUR HEART xD) fucking matured cans ! she and her chiminology ALWAYS , read that A-L-W-A-Y-S .she's the one that keeps THE SUGARS SANE <333 mom is one super COOL MOM ! xD come on , tell me WHICH OTHER MOM will actually swear CHEE-BYE LURH YOU every five mins xD. and use all interesting words , let me tell you , FLOWERISH WORDS xD . she bitch about people twenty-four/seven . baby have officially agreed that i am CRAZY. we got crazy all the time<33

baby and mom loves to disturb the class ! dad keeps the class down , MONINTRESS XD i remember those moments when dad have to keep the mouth shut of us , she has to scold baby for being too NOISY , INCLUDING MUM . how embarassing , mom and dad FIGHT , until mom SHOUTED SO LOUD ABOUT dad . the whole class SHUTTUP , and stare at MOM . xDxD CENTRE OF ATTRACTION MAH . then dad started to cry , it moved mom 's heart . but EGO mom does not want to actually ADMIT HER MISTAKE. but all soon become A HAPPY ENDING <333333333>

BABY I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU LOADS , NOTHING MATTERS WHEN YOU ARE AROUND <33> baby legacy we shall never break ! we shall flirt , even with cheekopeks ;] AND WILL LET THEM USE THE STUPID VIAGRA , fake semen xP . we flirt , and break hearts , NEVER LET BUNGS /GUYS play our heart outt . WE PLAY THEIRS OK . i love all the memories i have with you , never got into a fight . LOVELOVELOVE YOUUUUUUU . YOU ARE THE COOLEST SHIT DAUGHTER I HAVE , <333333 dad AIYORH , OLD MAN ARH ! YOU OUT THERE FLIRTING WITH CHIO BABES ISIT ? heh , joking lurh love . i am married to this WOMAN HERE HORH . go other country never tell . come back dont knwo how to call , SUSPECT ANOTHER GUY RIGHTT ! walaus , who is it ? MUFFIN ? have fun with him arh ! don't go overboard can liaows ! i miss you so much , baby misses you like one pigg ! we go out you always cannot make it one , SIGH . when the stupid family outting arh ?! I MISS YOU LEHH . we even agreed we are good in ~~bed~~ xD stupid lurh , call me cans?! we miss you leh , CHRISTMAS OUTTING CAN ?! HOWHOW ?! we shop shop TILL WE DROP !

i miss THE SUGARS

cry me a river that leads to your soul .

SUGARS DO THAT THANG FOR ME .

thE SHORTCAKE !

......................................................
sorry i suppose ?
STARWBERRY
HONEY
CARAMEL
OREO
VANILLA
CHOCOLATE
MINT

BIG BEAR BUNG LOVES THE CHEECKY MUFFIN .

DO YOU SEE THIS ADORABLE FACE

she's MINE . HAHAHA ALL MINE LURH .
(please , we ain't togather )

SHE' THE BIG BEAR <33>listen Xp so nice of US ;]
we sit up on the comp till 5 in the morning .
while i edit this entry
she's on one ____ website
HIGH AND HORNY .
wooooooots
AHH .

UTTTT , i got one more pic for you lurh BOY XP
YOU PLAYING SOME GAME THAT MY COUSIN HAVE . HAHA
IN TAKA xP
thos are one of those insignificant people that made my day

yesterday they sat outside , and one linee .
utt , bob , boi , kecik , sam , and kecik brother .
dared them some shitty game ;]
WALAUS , boi and bob and kecik damn funny CANS
every car passed by they do their thing , and everyone starts to crack upp .

then after that went to erms , cycle with bob and boi .
KANASAI LURH . got scratch at my leg cans !
IRRITATE ME LORH , fuckanathan .
want to bathe cannot xP supper effing shitt
WOOOIITTTTTS

2005-11-29T19:33:00.000-08:00

i miss you !
FUCKFUCKFUCK .

OK BYE

2005-11-29T10:06:00.000-08:00

heh , just now went down with ria , siti , boi and bob .
fun seyy . stupid boi and bob .
korang tak abes2 kacau aku seyy ,
mentang-mentang korang kuncu , aku jugak kener
HMPF , besok duer-duer kuar , eee boringg .
sape dok nak entertain aku ni ? EEEEEEE .
hehe , maen basikal , fuh satu mcm , muler2 bob tumpang
ok arh , dier kayoh , takde pape .
aleh boi kayuh , ahh giler dijadinyee . BOI SAKET TAU
aleh2 kau break , confirm aku kedepan hug kau kan .
ape lurh . nak snagat perr ;] then , dorang maen take deep turns ,
ah kau , aper lagi , aku pekik satu mcm , agaknyer satu block leh dengarr
kecian boi , pekak telinga kau tuu .
;];];]

entah arh , korang due mmg uat aku sott tau .

you held my hand , the thing that suprise me
i ~~NEVER~~ hold it back ;]

2005-11-26T03:33:00.000-08:00

ok , i got major problems to handle;]

jae ;
kuncu , aku tau dulu aku salah ,
tapi skarang problem kiter udah selesai .
tutup citer arh k ? da taknak masalah agi arh
anyway , yang pasal recent post , sumpah siol .
bukan kau , so , dah tau reason maseng-maseng peace ah dokk .
good luck arh in your relationship ,
oh yeah , kau nak tanyer aku soalan-soalan ,
silakan tulis dan menghantarkannya kepada aku ,
aku leh tolong kau jawabkan ;]
yelar , aku pantat kan ?

SALMAH
my love, i am effing sorry i didnt go with you to the movies
(I CANT USE VULGARITIES ;] sab you owe me one horh)

today went police aca to like erms , see dad paly .
so adorable ,
i conclude , the older (AND FATTER ) man palying soccer
the more adorable they look ;]
sigh ,
cuteness in the world

2005-11-22T20:02:00.000-08:00

i
fuckingly
miss
you
now

2005-11-22T00:30:00.000-08:00

woopie dodo . i am in love with you .
;]

I AM SLOWLY FORGETING WHP THE FUCK YOU ARE .
HAPPY ? WELL I AM :?

ouh well , i am fucking glad .
i fucking hate your charming smile
i fucking hate the way you make the meaning of love
so pleasant yet passionate
i fucking hate the way hen you hold my hands once
and it felt so good ,

i hate your fucking ~~cute~~ face

i am sorry for the curse ,
i just have to tell myself .
i i ~~love~~ hate you

2005-11-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

well , it's hard not to think about it ;[

i fucking hell miss you ,

FUCKyou

2005-11-20T17:48:00.000-08:00

i dreamt of ~~you~~ us last night ,
i still dream of you

it's weird somehow , how both of you enter my dream .
one of whom i ~~tried~~ to love .
one of whom i tried NOT to love .

shuttup i told myself ,
what's the use of it man ;[
it makes you feel worse .
the future is not up to you to make ,
it's up to you to MOLD ,

if i won't be able to spend it with you ,

let me tell you this .
fuck you i ~~HATE~~ love you always

2005-11-20T00:14:00.000-08:00

[edit]
it's no use right , now everything is going to be out soon .
it's irritating , it's frustrating . i try to get everything out of my mind .
trying my very best , to get you out of my mind.
YOU , do you know .
fuck you , fuck the hell out of you .
for loving you , i am hating myself .
thw way you mingle my mind everysingle time ,
every single minute you will , fuck .

i am ~~losing~~ myself to you , to the emotion i am feeling .
it's so strong , i think it's going to kill me soon ,
ergh , my ass . i don't know , i never ,
ever felt this strong emotion before .
it's here to stay and not going anywhere soon .
why do i have all thsi stupid connections ,
and it all end up to you .

as long as this shit does never go .
i will never forgive myself ,
you hear this ,

fuck you.i ~~hate~~love you

remmeber to just think of me

2005-11-19T02:45:00.000-08:00

i dont like saying this alot of times ,
but i guess i have too .

MY DECLARATION OF LOVE ;
you , that girl .
the one i hold hand manymany times.
the one i lend on a shoulder to cry on .
i LOVELOVE youu

my love ,

2005-11-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

today's irritaing me ALOT ,
baby i lovelove you ok ?
i cant ' i wish i can . let you go that is
can't you see , my heart ace ,
shesh . forget it . no use

2005-11-15T01:40:00.000-08:00

US , at taka . so cute , yet full of personality .

SUGARS ; baby.mom.dad ONE TWO THREE

I JUST HAD TO PUT THIS UP , btw they are my parents .

BLOOP , towning .

i lovelovelove you!
no one actually , sorry eh .
single mingle can ,
baby called me a slut ,
yeah maybe in the making love ?

hanya dia ; yang pertama

someweirdo song from sn (siti nurhaliza)

LALA , i am gaining weight, i am fatt . I ADMIT ,

ok i end here .

i am going to declare my love

i love nicole .

2005-11-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

is it so hhard for someone to be just be in the middle for once
?

why ? it's so hard to get your attention . DIFFICULT -
i am freaking pissed with that attitufde of yours ,

2005-11-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

forget it ,

it's always , them before me .

2005-10-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

aint going to give trash to anyone . i mean .
seriously . you give me shit . i give you ten times worse .
darling . aint a threat . just something .
so that you watch that ass of yours .
people been telling me .
whats with the slang . it's me .
aint going to change for no one ;
he knows it . he thinks i am bloody american .
i mean like fuck . pure S'porean and pure blood malay .
sorry if it's slang and thick . i mean . whats with you guys .
ok . if you say that i am speaking slang .
than what's with you and the clothes you wear .
the way you talk . the way you dress .
IT ' s me alright . i am that way . so pass me the shit .
i'll watch you skin your butt alive .
why am i not wearin those normal clothings ?
like roxy shirt . mango top .
cause they don`t represent me .
you wear something that brings the inner you .
like the goth . hardcore . and what's not .
why follow trend . when they come and go ?
and what's with this . trend . it used to be skimmers . now street style .
pick a choice people . don't follow trend . take something in your own hands .
and do something worth while . FOR YOURSELF .

aint making no presonal attack .
soemthing for you blog hoppers to read /

2005-10-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

HISTORY ;
in about seven hours more .

one am now. yes . waiting for that kanina to come ;

ATIQAH JACQULINE MINT SHORTCAKE ;

i love that bloody name ;

better than ***** ;

eh you mother fckin tot .
what has gotten to your head ?
chebye . YOU GIRLGIRL CAN PRODUCE MEH ?
teach me can ? I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ;
and if you talking adopting ? you talking rubbish lurh syg .
CHYBYE .

discrimination is the best way to release stress ;

hope you read this .
CHEAPSKATE ASSHOLE .
am still a virgin ;
saying i am not one hurh ?
TAKES ONE TO KNOW ANOTHER .

eat this shitt .

2005-09-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

i am feeling rather pathetic nows ; okok -
no more self pityingg . fuck . my shortcakes .
feels like havent seen them for ages lurhs ; like AHHH !
nicole goota cool down on her msges . so does grace and joyy .
AND ME . i amde tons of overseas msges . i am doomed.
so . i am msgiing joy abt ______ b.o . one word.
BOORED /boredome causes insanity .
serious . and i started to talk rubbish and going high with jesmin ,
OUH .

attitude is all you need .
sex is your game.
love is your name
reach down below .
make em whole again

wrote that when i was high ?
like BITEBITE LICKLICk .
and also . i trailed my finger down your figure . till i enter you .
liek fuck aint it ? thats me whren i am high.
;]
with grace . was worse .
i prefer sex out of love. erotic sex . not just sex .
grace said ,
if i ever can get hgih .
ask him to masturbate . and i do belly dancingg .
like cuteness ;] total . porno lurh .
grace is my insanity bitch . we aint desperate .
we are just . IMAGINATIVE
; and also .try rubbing hurh ?

ok. enough about highness . i met peach just down . terserempak .
funny . see me hide away . ;] cuteness .
so i met . bumped. then shitt. memories of hwo i dumped her. cause i cldnt
give her what shes needs. hurts me ;

HMMM -
i end herree .
BITEBITE - lick -
i bite you bit by bit ; till i hear you moan again .

HE CAN`T HEAR THOSE THREE WORDS ;
CAUSE HE'S BLINDED BY ANOTHER LOVE __

cinta ini akan berkembang .
p.s net. thos arent for you .

2005-08-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

AHAHA ; YOU ARE LOSING ALOT .
YES . A-L-O-T .
well dears ; for once . I AM SWEET .
heh . ego .
and fix your hair. and your smile . and your posing .

TYPICAL MINAH LURH .
well . at least . coming from an anglican school .
MAKE ME SOO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU .

and . do sumthing about your teeth . they need braces . OH WAIT . can you afford ? -gas p

i dont know -;]

I GOT SENSE OF STYLE . even thought messy .

WELLWELL . should i find more fault ? of should i shuddu p ?

ok . darlingg . no erms. MATURED person would write this wayy
aiyah....never mind ...no worries ...

and fix your blogg . kinda weird . ;]

i am sorry to venge my anger on you .
NOT -

sorry if this SIMPLE CHIM WORDS YOU CANT UNDERSTAND .

sigh- typical

2005-08-25T05:47:00.000-07:00

life seems so perfect now ;

I FINALLY TALK TO YOU _ i miss you much girl

and somehow . we crossed and met . and now i am having you by my side .

ouh wells /

I LOVE MY SHORTCAKES .

you know i do .

you made me wet in between my legs /

2005-08-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

sehs . it ended .

i never regretted this EXPERIENCE -
[ i will treat it as a lesson learnt ]

oh wells.
she lost herself a great girlfriend ;]
I KNOW I KNOW - ego rightt .
she's at her losingend after all .
and to that lucky new stead of hers .
you take care honey . you might never know what is in HER heart .
and dont cry alrightt .
be mentally prepared .

OH WELLS . no point crying and cryingg .
i should just enjoy life with those i lovee -

MY SHORTCAKE GANG -
we are the silly nehneh poopoo gang ;]
how much i love you guys . no words can describe .
you celebrated with me when i was with HER ;
you guys were there when i cried

KAP 5.30 SAME TABLE .
nicole ; sayang .
you promised me nehh
the promise ? shall i reveal ?!
well turning straight
good news ?
HEH ;
YESYES / after all i got ___ ;
won`t say . too early .
lips sealed .

at kap yesdae was hell of fun .
JOYY CHIN ARH .
my retarded communication partner .
took hell lots of pics .
SNAPSNAP ; tons of candid ones .
NICOLE AND TAMMEH
smiling all the way cause
YOU GUYS SAW THEM .
NO FAIR NEHHS -

well whatever '
i am going to get my NIKE BAG AND QUIKSILVER TODAYY .
hell ;
quik maybe. nike confirm ! ;]

well going outts .

the door to my heart is close ;
because you threw the key away .

2005-08-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

i hate it when i feel jealous o someone over stupid reason .
why can`t i just cherish the one i love so much ?
the people around me. my family . my friends . you sayang .

i can``t take my attitude so much .
i wish i can just shoot myself . and i regain back my own self.
with a total new attitude and thinking .
gimme senses . a total new wya of thinking .

throw away all negativity .

now on to better thoughts /

i finally realised the true meaning of love .
they greatly showed me what love is all about .

my parents
how much you know i am wad i am .
i greatly thank god that you didnt treat me differently .
you accepted me. and helped me out of the wayy.
how can i ever repay you .

nicole
sayang . my days in st margarets never been better when you are around .
u thought me true meaing of friendship so much .
sometime . i don`t think you deserve a friend like me.
but still aku sayng kamu banyakbanyak

you
baby . i thought of you before i even know you .
it was like a miracle i could never achieve .
i thought you would appear be here and soon vanish without goodbyes .
there's only you .
i love you lots .
i lup you
i HEART you

2005-08-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

ups and down we can get thru /

i still love you .
you gave me a necklace . symbolises our love .
i want to thank you much .

btw .
i wrote sumthing .

if i couldn`t love someone that i truely love now .
i will never be able to accept another in the near future .

i still cry . my tears still drown my laughters/
my one and only ;
if u reading this .
i love you sayang .
akan ku merinduimu setiap hari .

life have been oite /
exams coming up . STDYING

see the time / when i meet you again

2005-08-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

heh . i just wanted to put it up . and i did ;]
i miss you much . i pratically see you everyday . but less communication .

guess time brought us closer . alot . i cant deny . i felt liek a lamppost .
i was mistaken . we fought but it just made things better .

i was your wad ? CUSHION right ?
walaus . i am flabby lurhs . but cushion very mean cans .

it was sweet . feeling you right next to me baby .

schools been getting on my nerve , ALOT .

you could get that feeling away with just a smile .

ilove you sayang .
and i miss you much too .

my husband .
AKU SAYNG KAMU BANYAK-BANYAk.

2005-07-30T02:09:00.000-07:00

one month ; tears of joyy . we managed to spend it togather . cherrishing what we have . what we build .
i dun regret what happened in the pass / it only means you love me . iloveyou
i want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side /

2005-07-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

i heart that pics lot ; i missing you much . two days. long enough to drive me nutts . WAIT I AM GROUNDED ONE MONTH . can u believe that ? one month ? macam orang giler bautnyer nanti .
malay speaking thanks to you lurhs ; MISSION ACCOMPLISHED I SUPPOSE ?

forbidden love we play ;

2005-07-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

last few days / weeks. been the best ;

leet me say this from my heart .

I LOVE YOU CAYANG .

2005-07-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

i miss you already . MUCH .
the phone has been off for only 5 mins ;
OUH GOD .
u cant answer my msges . SIGH -

if u ever to feel lonely .
think of me -
and i will be there /

2005-07-09T04:51:00.000-07:00

last few dayys been great ; no words can describe whys .
uhuh -

2005-07-05T03:51:00.000-07:00

lets back track ;

o4o7o5
went town ; BLOGGER IS SO SCREWED .
my goodness ; CRAZEE. three girls in one fitting room .
cutecute - baby.mommie.daddie
then i saw HER - dark chocolate ;
sigh - long time never meet knows !
heh . RUN AROUND LIKE CRAZEE SHITTEHS \
heh. u would see us screaming LIKE HELL .
ur frens saw me yesterday ; I WAS LIKE A MINAH CANS ?

o5o7o5
shesh - she left us forever ; her body is the only thing left to the ground
her soul is somewhere further ;BETTER .
and yes u made my day todae . even though i wasnt talking much .
you made me smile. no matter what;
sometime . i wonder what happen if i would leave this werld.
would people cry . i know others would be rejoicing .
anyhos . got really close and cozy todae.
just a tickle and you cant stand it ?
HEH ;
but todae no privacy lurhs B
sorry ;
i gott no mood to post /

lemme hold you tight ;
till i make my last breathe -

2005-07-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

i just soo realised that stoopid fucked shit frenster will get fucked up at the same time as blooger ;

bloody shit - oh my todae; not so great lurhs .
dunt know wad to do' tml going outt / attire havent been decided ' except for jeans ; flipflop.
UHUH -

dunt know how lehs ; WATCHING INITIAL D ; hehe;]
baby and daddie thought of itt. i just tagg along. watch watch lurhs -
wanna spend time with ma babies. they are after all .MYLIFE -

heh.amanda nicole .LOVELOVE-
nicole is the head. DADDIE -
AMANDA IS THE BABY -lovelove; gagaggugucaca -INSIDEJOKE.

heh .sweetcase . I LOVE MY SUGAR FAMILY.MUACKIES -

it would never be enough - for you to know.
that i have done my best.
i try so hard to be wat u want.
PERFECT YET ORDINARY .
i dont know wad ordinary means .
nor wad it takes to be one.you said i was born to stand out
yet demand an answer for being different.
you can never find answers to every question.
no matter how hard i try.
thats why no one is perfect,
why cant you see that i have enough.
all the troubles i went thru
just to please you.
my mind seems so pack. i am like a bomb.
waiting for the right time to blow.
i could cry if i want to.
btu that would admit defeat.
its lieka battle of LIFE AND DEATH.
i am hanging by a thread.
and once it snap; all my dreams and hopes come crashing down.
and then everything else would end.

i wrote that for my own uses ;
ecpressing myself
INSPIRATION IS COMING BACK -
yays.
love youu much

theres only you in my dreams ; in my heart .

2005-07-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

reatrdies lurhs we all ;] LOVE YOU GIRL ; my fatty fay zhu cousin . HEHE ; MY MOMMIE ;] so cute can she ? I LOOK DAMN FUCK CANS .

todae went town. FUN CANS . except for the bit we foughtt ;

SHEES h goodness . got cbase top. mango SKIRT. and junkie top .TIGHTT -

cant breathe in it. niwais ; talking to beloved . AND so called scandal.

WATEVER LURH KKAYS .

ouh - and also i saw you . heh . funny lurh - come out from mrt-

SHITTEh. i saw youu . akhaz. cutecutee ;]

OF COURSE LURH - heh . anyhos . rather boring nows-

dunt know wad to do lehs

you are the star in my private moviee -

2005-07-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

OH MY EVERYTHING SOO FUCKED UP CANS ?

SHITTEH ;
STARHUB SERVICE CAN FUCKK/
STOPPID SCREWED BLOGGERR .
eeeeeeeeeeeeee
SHOO SHITTEH ;
IRRITATE ME ONLI CANS ?

oh my fucked up cans ?

geram nyerr ; cant msg u . fucked up blogger can pout up pics

2005-06-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

u got your own dileema ; i got mine too /

i love you ; i cant deny . yet i know your heart is with her '
love is selfish ' i gotta admit.
b ; i dunt know how am i going to make you mine.

yet at the same time can u not break this innocent heart ?
i got enought ' enough is enough;

i still dunt know wad i shld do ;

i am lost ; when i am in your arms ;
i heart you banyak-banyak

2005-06-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

ee ; GERAM SEY ;

nak uat aper arh ?
nak nanges ader /
I WANNA SCREAM AND SHOUTT ;

CAN I ?
crying ;

smiles are gone ; forever

2005-06-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

one week - too long to wait ;

till i hear your voice again /

life is so meaningless - without you

2005-06-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

lets see how do u decribe a feeling that stays within you ;
and never can make u feel at ease ?

UNEASY ?

i don`t know lehs / i feel like crying though .

DONT KNOW WHYS ?!
if i do cry , it would be rather weird u see .
i don`t know if i should . i dont want to look like a block tml '

CRYING . it sucks. but if i tell. it would be good to let everything ouut ;

anyho .
how wouldnt you feel that way .
when u know. she`s out there with her ex .and her feelings for her isn`t gone entirely.
and somemore ; anything can happens right ?
when todae she phoned and had a sweet talk ?

jealousy would be in it ; sadness ? not really .
but then . BLEAGH - uneasy dok.

anything can happen lehs ' very durh .
ERMS . she can talk . and i just told my baby . that she can talk .
dunt ignore . and wad if it actually like . leads futher ?

HOWS HOWS HOWS HOWS ?
VERY THE UNEASY CAN ?!

ergh- i want to cry liaows .

baby ; remember i love you much /

a new leaf /

2005-06-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

a new leaf i would turn ;
no more slashing . I PROMISED YOU .

ILOVEYOU BABY . heh .
rather high nows .

anyways /

ONLY ONE LEFT ON MA ARM .
AND I PROMISED YOU . no more .
heh . sorry .
;]

even though we fought . we ended being BEST FRIEND .

i know i cant replace your friends .
i just want to be there for you ;

alrights ?
remember that .

2005-06-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

i gott to get sumthing out of my chest . i suppose i cant .

my fingers cant find the right button . and let it burst . so saddening .
i hate myself for feeling this way cans ?!

alright yesterday . went to the beach . and i was like
OUH FUCK . SKIM FEST . NO WAYY .
and i was like. shitt gotta get out of here.
but too late. oh myy . everywhere can . ripcurl.quicksilver.roxy .
LIKE WAD IN DA BANANA WRLD ARE THEY THINKING
so-so lurhs . then i totally forgot that SHES there lurhs . and i was like .
ouh great.
and then i was like walking in ma damn short fbt . and camp shirt.
then it all started. GIRL IN BLACK SHIRT !
and ma cousin was like. eh shes calling u.
and it was her . with her mat kental look .oh my.
i just looked down. do sardine face. like i never hear.

so i thank god that He actually blinded ma parents and aunts for awhile .
cause or else alot of question cans .
i can`t deny that yeahs .
we had a moment to ourself .
to find out. shes a sweetie .
UHUH . even though ma cousin called her black chicken =p.
funny lurhs .

its 10 in da morning. RATHER EARLY . *nods
but wad can i say .i woke up vomitted . and couldnt slp .
acid can all.b soo yellow . yuckies . and its all painfull in there.
erghs.i can feel that its like. oh myy. disgusting lurhs .

YUCKIIES *

2005-06-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

if it would end it all . i would .

but instead of doing it with u . i would jump alone .

wind embracing me . only me .

whys ? i wonder . whys ? how could this happen ?
if it woould be better . then it will .

FUCK .

i would erase it off .
writing a story . a poem. for nat .

yesh (:

2005-06-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

so shitty larhs. i hate it. EVERYTHING.

sumtime. u try very hard. getting her to realise
you actually care. and then. i some how.
i realised. i am trying too hard.

to summarise how i actually. feel.

FUCKED UP.

enough to say it all i suppose ?

i stop being the poetic one cause
many thinks its all fake. ( hiding your identity.)

funny aint it ? when u trying to reach outt.
and they say its all fake ?
and still they dare say i am keeping myself.
not opening up.
WHAT THE ****

erghs!

wait. am i doing this for myself or others ?
i tink its time i should be thinking abt wad i really want .

and its to write. i should really pursue it then.
its the only thing i am good at rightt ?

herms. i should seriously shouldd.

you aint here.
for the first time. i aint giving a fuck .
AINT IT GOOD ?
oh fuck.you seriously dont know how relief i feel alrights ?
you can screw a whore. and actually get caught. and i wont be there.
i soon rea lise how so much hatred build.
oh gosh.

so loong GOODNIGHT

2005-05-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

i lived a life and
dreamed a dream
and loved the life
you lived with me
then in the whisper
of a breathyou left,
and then I died
a death

a death
so clean.
so pure.
so silent.

yet its softly dreading us away from reality.
telling us there is no hope left.
so hand in hand.
we make the jump
the last jump of our life
but i did not die.
Not.

Entirely
.
instead
i was shattered into pieces.

i tried picking up the pieces of my life
joining it together
.but everytime i try.
it breaks again.

nthing can heal it back.
not time ;
not love
not security .

even if it does.
all that is left is the
big dent in my life

no.not a dent<

a huge crack.
a crack.
so ugly.
it leaves a scar.
a scar that for once
too deep to heal.
to painful to feel.
and for once.
too real .

but what did i do?
i bear it.
i bore all the shame.
the unhappiness.
the pain.

i keep it all inside.
sofly killing me emotionally ;

it was the biggest mistake i made.

so now i wear a mask everywhere i go
you won't ever know my true identity.
i hide myself.

so deep.

its like i am gone.
many thinks the frown
i have is the real me.

but the frown is just my mask .
plaster the smile.
a beautiful mask ;

i cry the tears.
tears i have never cried before.
blood streams done my face.
done onto my torso.

tears ; cries.
are now my friends

laughter ; smile
my foes

who caused all these?
you.
YOU!
you made me.
you are the toymaker.
you made me this way.
why?

the one i hung onto ;
the one i trusted most ;
the one who put the mask down .
just for you.

hallucinator - unknown did this.

now many thinks that i am in my own fantasy ;

but do they know. the mask i wear . is wearing thin ?
it`s so thin. that now. i am showing the werld the real me ;

i am so scared that if i actually show `
pple. cant accept me .

SIGH-

I MISS YOU LOADS

2005-05-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

i look back at my past ppost. ;
it brought back sweet bitter memories of *him.

gosh. how bad can first love be ;
even though it lasted for 3 mnths .
we shared too many to let go of it `

but who was it that wanted the break and stuff ?

YES ` gotta admit it`s me . yesyes

ok enough about the past '

if theres a time. u want to make that jump ;
remember i will be the one catching you +D

as i said. i should stop.

so now it`s her*
i still think back looking at the past three weeks ;
we spend togather `

or should i sayy ;
we spend apart physically.
and also spiritually
*okk. going ABIT out of pointt.

SIGH-
yesterday we promised.

if we ever want to jump ;
jump hand in hand ` FROM THE THIRD STORY +D

that`s our cute lil fantas y ; wic i tink is kinda cute

okkays ` i so REALISED MY TYPING BECOMING VERY CEENA =/

so here ` i end with the good stuff +

i don`t want to start '
with the negative as yoou said ;

it won`t bring no good #

so here i end with one lil thing i hope you remember *

cause i need to forGET

i lived a life and +
# dreamed a dream
; and loved the life
you lived with me x

then in the - whisper
of a ` breath
you left ,

and then I died
a death

i will wait * no matter how long
# takes +D

togather we make the jump ;
hand in hand .
FROM THE THIRD STORY

* i heart you .

okok. FORD/MINNIE/TOMMIE.
I AM SO QUALIFIED TO JOIN YOUR AH LIAN CLUB

(BE AN ALIzZ oRIt3 ? cAUsE iT`S g0oD iF u WAnT
tO rUiN YouR rEPUtaTION +D )

2005-05-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

it`s been ages since i blogged.
yes. i am busy with life.
many things happened.
i dont know whys.

you are here;
but the scars just have to return.

whys ?
i don`t know i seriously dont know.
you asked me why i did it.
why i would do sumthing stoopid.
this would be my answer.
because i want to stop myself from drowning.
stop my soul from drowning in reality.

is that enough ?
or do i have to show you my blood.
my flesh
my pain
do i have to?

cause if i do.
i know u would swear
you don`t even know me anymore

i sit here.
staring at the blank page.
waiting for me to write.
i don`t know
wad i should do.
should i write everything down
or just keep it shut within me

haiz. now.
i can feel my slit/ scar aching.
i suggest that i stop here.
i start when i get bac home
class. here i come.

i am like a fire without
fire without flame

2005-03-26T03:32:00.000-08:00

i got no inspiration to do anything.
ma health is making it worse.

cough and sniff.
-hinthint.

i don`t know where the heart lies.
and i just can`t out my finger on it.

questiions comes just before i went to lala land.

i know whatever decision i make
i am going to break ones heart.
it`s either mine.
or hers.
and i can`t just tell her.

i miss my sugar LOTS!
but i can`t possibly leave baby alone.

cause even if i do.
i feel like a player.

i regret breaking what we had.
leaving EVERYTHING behind.
erghs.

SOMEONE SHOOT ME FOR THAT!
i can`t. bring myself to tell her.

cause deep inside.
i have that tiny feeling for her

but get this straight readers.
whatever i feel for her.
i feel for him tonstons more.

my life is just going on fine
*notice the sacarsm.
fcuk.

2005-03-24T21:44:00.000-08:00

i hurt her in many ways ;
and i was blinded not see those scars.

only god know`

how she feel inside .

cause like me ;

she will hide those tears .

and replace it for u ever so famous

S M I L E

but today. i made up my mind .

togather we heal the pain,
cause the scars are for once too deep.
i can`t take it.
knowing yoou are hurt
all because of me .

togather we heal the pain
and this i promise you
believe me.

2005-03-21T03:19:00.000-08:00

today met her ; but i was late .
making grand arrival larhs ! =D smart rightt ?
btw. yalorh seriously late ! and then come. she go cut hair liaows
then needa go loo badly . tot going to coffee shop. suddenly from far saw
her. i was like nevermind. walk back. = D
okayys. she look so kiddo lorh!
cut hair without me. see the outcome! TSK!

then had food. lunch. six of us. funny larhs !
=D people. u make ma dae larhs !
I LOVE YOU GUYS LOT LOTS !

now i think i go off larhs. tired. =D

2005-03-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

i am backk. my nose is like BLACK
oh myy. oh myy.
and also i got sun burn everywhere .
: D sunburn hurts.
anyways. continue.
a leader`s job is diff. i can`t please everyon on the second day
40 girls. and me alone. i can`t . i know i was unfair at times.
but i had to put my mind on a thing that is important. and piority.
iza and mai had shown me alot of being one.
and i thank god for that. everyday i hope to meet people like them
and i had.: D

yarhs . and thanks to athena i have learnt to speak my mind outt
and also during camp i did it. : D
many great people i meet. and yet.
haiz. long storyy : D

anyways .am doing homework
e waids.
i didn`t mention it right ?
anyways. won`t say later i ego larhs.
: D attached to baby ;
yesyes.
she`s werking helping mom.
and i am at where ? home doing homework
yups.
: D sayonaraa larhs people

2005-03-17T22:13:00.000-08:00

mai! i miss you already! i miss IZA too!

(pardon all grammar errors)
who would have thought people of complete strangers can become friends ?
mai .
our trainer was the best . soft but stern at times
and she always has confident in me.
and that is why i always go an extra mile. to show her
that i can .
: D and barely a day i miss you!
ahs!

iza.
my temporaily camp darling : D
ahs . sorry i broke your heart ;)
ahs. i miss you though it was only yesdae
that i have actually talked to you

being a leaader for a day
was tough enough.
as i had to lead my teamates to their limit .
be there when they need me.
be it on the rope. on the logg. wadever.
yes . i blew my top. at them but
what`s a leader without it`s own
wayy to lead. and also. if i was ever given a chance again
i would. as this brought me to total new perspective of alot of thinggs.

you see. everyone is a leader in it`s own way .
a monintress like me lead the student body of my class.
and teachers. oh boyy. don1`t you hate it wen they nagg ?
they do it. to bring u to a realisation that u are wrongg.
they nagg to show the world your capabality*baa. dont knw hw to spl
yes.

night hike.
was leading my wwhole group.
nine of us. in the jungle. and i freak outt.
seriously. i had to shut it up though.
there's no trainers with us during that time
and it's on a hill.
the safety of my girls are in my handd.
that`s wen the real challenge starts.
yups

oh myy. i change alott.
i hope it is for a better : D

cheers darlinggs

2005-03-14T04:22:00.000-08:00

hey`s back in my own crib.
todae made me thinkk abd seriously rethink
about our relationshipp
if she likes me. i won`t be giving a damn.
but pls. now shes giving me that charming smile.
: D okkay i will save the rest for u to figure outt

aniwais. i got a new handbagg.
roxy brand. yes. MINAH but it`s nice cans!
okkays. i edit laterr young readerrs

2005-03-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

going ouut todae!
:D
with frens!

butterflies X)

2005-03-12T16:24:00.000-08:00

okkays. alomst 8.30 . and i am having butterflies in ma tummy!
okkays. shld i back trace. or wadds. since yesdae happen to be kinda gudd.

okkays. i felt alsp at ard 4.30 since there was nthing much to do.
and woke up at 6.30 and went online.
and guess who's there?
my reatarded dogg. (inside joke)
it's racha. and we went crazee larhs! strted serious. then went reatrded
toked abt _____ and then started going hornyy.
i tot shes from philip BUT NO! she's from thailand.
ohh myy. do u know how dump i felt?
and linda's one too?
oh myy. oh myy. *bang head
and then we toked on the phone jumping issue from
_____ to being retarded.
then i told her about ma comversation wid ma baby.
and she started laughing!
oh myy. should i rite it downn?
ah never mind.
don't feel like it.X))
btw , it's just horny larhs.
: D and we toktok again. for abt 2 hours?
and celebration started. had so much fun cans!
oh myy. everybody was here. everybody had grt food.

: D and then i got real worried. baby's phne can't be reached.
called. msg and there's no replyy.
it`s not like baby.
and then 09.55 p.m
a msg from him came(:
ahs. a relife.
but wad it contains is better.
send butterflies in ma tummy(:
ahhs.
since ma blogg is low profile.
shld write it dowwn( at the end larhs)
and i went hyperr. showed aunt. she just smiled.
MEANING SHE APPROVED.
ahhs. know how hyper i am nowws.
and evern worse.
what i drmt last night would make me have wet drms
if i was a boy.
ain`t going to go futher thouggh
: D

a h s < / 3 l o v e
she` s my sugar babe ; she`s my life : D
honey u mean everything to me ; you're precious in ma eyes .
i love you ; yes i do
in hearing your voice ; you make me smile
you're that one soul ; who care's for me ; i know
thanx sayang ; and i miss you so much ;
NITES(:

ahs. aint that sweet?
oh myy. just melt *blush.

nows. it's alomst a month since i shared my life with you(:
it has been the best , i got to admit it(:
i never cared for one being as much as you .
i can`t deny that there's been one incident that had a grt impact on us.
but it only make us a better person right by doing that? : D
i ain`t good with word. and you know that too(:
it`s just not my thing , i am sorry
but you know how much i love you ;
how much i miss you
how much i just want to hug you ; feeling secured.
: D ahs. baby. i love yous(:

2005-03-11T20:39:00.000-08:00

been days since i have updated.
haven realli had da mood or anithing to sae larhs
not feeling well.
and da dae that i didnt go skewl. so did he : D
(ZHEN SHUT UP)

aniwais. i got tons of schl hw. and i am going for camp
i tink God knows that i am just rushing for time.
and made ma TUITION TEACHER TIRED(:
so todae gonna mug on ma skewl hw.
later gonna go down and look at the lil cuties.
dance works : D saw just noww.

shid. i am boored cans. i tink i will just mug on ma hws.
at night have b'dae party. aint it cool?
SO NOTT.
just gonna be a boring dae.

cause baby ad da beach.
once reach hme. will be beat.
and cant tok to me.
*sigh.

ohoh. i am getting ma own prepaid.
TSK.
never in ma life use prepaid sia.
so pissedd.
at least mom gonna pay for it though.
aiayarhs.
irritate me oni

my heart onli sees one beingg

desires oni one soul

<3

sad fact of life *

2005-03-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

it's 11.45 in da morning ; and i at home.
sick. throat hurts ; and i know.
i am going to lose ma voice ;
if i go skewl ; just ask ma fwens

any way at 10.58 pm yesdae ;
i got a msg ; ain't going to tell hu ;
but most u guy would know;

if my heart can speack.
it'll say "honey i love you"
yes. i love you soo much.
more than anything else.
even my life.
i'm grateful to have you by my side.
but i'm not to sure i'm the onli one in urs.
maybe that's jealousy.
in love there ought to be up and down.
you're just that one beautiful soul.
that i put my heart and trust on.
you mean everything.
and i mean it.
i love you sayang.
more than efinity.
you dont like me
i'm okay with it.
nite.

just that ;
tears starts rolling down.
msged him again. aking for xplaination.
he said ; ar forget it.

i cant sleep. i cant think.
tears just flow.
slpless night ;
only until 3 .
this morning. another msg arrived.
'hey.wateer will do.'

i find my self asking .
are u really happy in this relationship?
or was it just a force thing u had to do?
what's the real reason for that msg?

oh my .oh my.

the whole reason for living
is you.

but it's a sad fact
that you never know it ;

my baby (: and me <3

2005-03-08T02:50:00.000-08:00

okkays. i am soo in love mood nows.
went to jp wid ma cousin and her gf.
had a blast. : D
but i was loud todaee kayys.
insulted alot of girls in ma schl uni.
TSK! bad girl ;
i like larhs.
anyyways
havent toked to ma baby alot of daees!
: D missing you to bits;

yin sad cause i didnt get in.
DUN CRY FOR ME KAYYS!
: D

okkay i gotta bath. and then do werk.
and try calling him.
then slp!:)

btw!
dad block all out going msges
and calls!
so want to send msg.
can but i cant replyy
:D

him / her ;
best friend

my baby (: and me <3

2005-03-07T00:28:00.000-08:00

to all my worried readers.
yes we are okk ;-CHEERS!
and we are as pernormal.

todae i had da werst dae of all ; i dissapointed one of ma teacher.
science to be specific.yesh. as a monintress ;
ma duty to find for her as she was late for class ;
and so i did. outside 2e1giving out papers ;
and she came outt ; and she hugged meh! : D
and said ' i very sad. u didnt do well '
and i was like FUCK!
that's the end of my life.
but as a class monintress (:
there's always advantages.
i was giving out papers ;
and saw ma term one marks.
aint THAT bad larhs.
pass ;okkays.
but i know ;MRS JEAN TAN
cares for us ;
some say she aint a gud cherr.
it's always the though that counts ;

so yes ;
last night ; didnt have a gud slp.
well. for oni three ours.
baby and me were suppose to wake up ad 2
or was it 12? :D i forgot.
but we ended up slping ;and i woke up ad 3
called. no one answ.then granny came in ;
and had to pretend to slp ; but SERIOUSLY FELL ASLEEP!
oh my. oh my.then. yarhswoke up ad 5.30
called baby. aint asnw.gave up.called again 6.15 and he text me.
omg. i didnt wake up. i am so soriie honey. whr u.
the exact werds he said.
aint it cutee; well if u knoww his voice(:
and yarhs ;
i just have to sayy that(: maybe i get someone reallu gud
ad this blogg shid.
and put his voice as ma back ground (:
i know its possible ; somehow ;/
yesh.

my baby ;
i should writee ;
aint gonna make a big deal ;
but i wanted to write about it ;
he's been there for all.
the good ; the bad .
the best ; the worse.

can there be anyone who can replace him

the one who put me before self.

the one who would go an extra mile

cause you know you are the one ;

have i ever tell you that?

arhs? c

u know that.

2005-03-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

okays. maybe it was mean. i dont know.
if he reads it. i know he wld get hurt.
so here goes ma werd for you.

there's always a reason why i chose you ;

you were there for the crucial time ;
i never felt more comfortable wid anyone ;
you voice can somehow brighten my day ;
you complete my day and MY LIFE ;

but now ;

ouu ignore me
which links my head to think of hurtful stuff ;
like youu not loving Miee anymore ;
the insecurity builds in me ;
doubtt comes to my mind ;
making me think about our love ;

everyday ;
i would waste ma msges one you ;
which you wont reply ;
i sit there. looking at ma mobile ;
it beeps ;
wanting it to be you ;
but it will never be ;

if u want to read more. read the one before.

; there's one girl that you would only love
; i doubt it's me

2005-03-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

ok. so i have heard. -someone shoot me pls
he's taking his o's this year. and yada yada.
but pls save ur comments on my selfishness.
but wont he want to tink twice abt how insecure i feel?
everday the communication gap is widening.
there's no more 'i love you' and 'i miss you'
(WHY AM I WRITING THIS? THANKS TO ATHENA)
yesh. i sound emo.and so selfish. but if he knows how tight it would be
he would want to think twice abt being in a relationship.
half the time. i dont knwo where he is.
the other half i know he's hurting.
yes. two days back we had a good laugh for once.
but is tat enough to keep this relationship alive?
is it even enough for us to get know each other?

yes. my darling told me i am being possesive.
but when i tld u dat abt my friend.
u tld me not to wori. and yes i believe
but u knw how insecure i feel right now?
its from ater schl talk to. morning 10 mins text
and half an hour talk after skewl.
call me unreasonable for all i care.
throw all ur shity werds. id ont give a damn.
i have been keeping to many things in me.
i cant tink strait.
my baby angel is hurting too.
bastard friends she have!

yesh. i got more to right. but i dont want to hurt you.
take care since i got no chance to tell u every night
since u even go off wid out saying gud byee.
cause u know. erghs i write it down.

YOU WERE LIKE A LITTLE CANDLE IN MY DARKNESS,
A LITTLE CANDLE DAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
U WERE THE REAL REASON I SMILE I EVERYMORNING
(:
NO MORE FAKE MASK I WEAR EVERYMORNING.
THE LITTLE BITS THAT YOU DO.
MAKES MY HOPE FOR US TO BE TOGATHER HIGHER.
THE LITTLE SILLY THINGS YOU DO.
CRACK ME UP(:

every time my phone vibrate. incoming msg arrives.
i just wish its from you.
but it never will.
every time. i leave schl.
i just wish u were there
waiting for me.
i know your world doesnt revovlves ard me.
but then. its the though that counts.
even if i mean nothing to you.
-pouts.

i'll leave a msg for you ;
if u read this, please note.I DONT HATE YOUS.
ITS THE REASON I LOVE YOU I WROTE THIS DOWN.
OKKAYS.
I MISS YOU.
I LOVE YOU. WISH U WERE HERE.

you were the real reason i put down my mask.
and still you. i have to put on my mask.

<3

2005-03-05T03:37:00.000-08:00

ok here i am again.
ma cousin got a lil tatste of reality.
and i just told her some of ma expriences.
ok. i goota admit.
i am attached right?
its ma first real one.
as others are wad i would call flings.yesh.
and still.
girl. i just leave a note for tyouu.
i know u would read it.
if u tink u realli love her. and this is not a lil crushy thing
than go on.
as for i know. u happie i happie.
but remember u are changing ur gender by being wid her arhs
okkays.
i know u not happoe wid me and elfye.
and i am not going to say anything.
cause i am hurt u cant accpt it.
u are oni behing me nows.
girl i love you.
but reality is reality u have to face it okkays?
about me and ma baby.
even if i get hurt.
i always have ur shoulder to cry on
as for now. i am happie wid him.
dun want to ruin it(:

2005-03-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

heys. i knoww its been days or even weeks, since i have updated.
life have been hectic,
with being class monintress.
have to keep up da good name of my own self. ms ramlah and class of 2e2
so yarhs. ma life have been good. since everything that happen
my cousin and me rarely fight.
its either she bz wid skewl or grace larhs
and as for me. i am bz wid class skewl werk. and my baby.
bet hes baking in the hot sun
stoopid boy.sick still can do that.
yarhs.
aniwai. i am taking break cause i have been doing 100+ maths quest
and eating ma butt off.
aniwais.
i gotta keep it short and sweet.
if you know me well.
u know hows life for me right
yesh.
hes been making me smile after all.
esp yesdae after all the crying.
we goof ard
akhaz. never laughed so much in ma life
(:
aite i stoop here
i love you guys ;
susanna
sweeney
dahphne
vicky
basicaly ma whle class of 2e2
ma cousin. reatarded one larhs
adela.
poon
AND MA BABY BOYY(:
I LOVE YOUS!

2005-02-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

yes. there are alot of things that i need to write down

1.aint toking to ma parents
2. left ma bag in schl.*fuck ma frens
3.i dun tink mom is realli well. thanks to dad.
4. ma cousin in hospital wid brain cancer. i just cry every nite pls!
5.i dun i can live anymore. have u ever seen so many scars on ma wrist? NO!
6. i am going for non stop running tml after training ro release ma stress. doing it in school.if u see me fainting, pls dont bother helping mehs
7.and i tink i am a cursed child.

i cant tink anymore
people may tink i happie and all that
btu there are alot more tears than just smile behind me.
yes(:

yes.
yous.
i dun where you are.
but pls. call me once you get home aites?

2005-02-10T04:53:00.000-08:00

2005-02-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

i am deprieved from ma hp cans!
its been like dun knwo how many months oleadi
and now.

then i feel the lost!
i cant stand it
everything is getting on ma nerves
or should i say everyone.
maybe i am pmsing too much
todae am going to S-L-A-C-K!
alot.
aiyarhs.